Guide to the Perfect Hookup

Don’t let the naysayers get to you – one night stands can be an absolute blast. Sure, loving relationships are great and all, but sometimes you just need a no-strings-attached night of fun. Turn that “walk of shame” into a stride of pride, and bask in the glory of your sexual liberation. Or something like that.

Like most great things, of course, hooking up is easier said than done, so here are some tips on how to have the perfect hookup.

Be decent

First thing’s first, you need to do away with everything that gives the anti-hookup camp ammunition. There’s a gross identity associated with one night stands – the dreaded “Hookup Artist.” This individual, who is neither an artist nor successful at hooking up with women in all likelihood, equates being a scumbag with being attractive. Marked by sleazy, creepy one-liners and fierce judgment towards any woman who won’t just drop her panties on the spot, these idiots are ruining the hookup game for all of us.

Don’t be like them. Be a gentleman, or at least a half-decent human being. Don’t be degrading, don’t make unwanted moves, and don’t be a creep. As anyone who has actually met a woman can tell you, these are qualities very few women like.

Don’t get too drunk

Drinking and hookups go hand in hand, to be sure, but too much booze can be a nail in your hookup opportunity’s coffin. And we’re not talking about the obvious – if she’s too drunk, you can’t sleep with her – we’re talking about you.

Consider, for a moment, the last time you had sex absolutely plastered. Were you an expert in the sack, or were you a fumbling, sloppy fool? Thought so. How about the last time you tried to get laid in the first place while hammered? Fumbling, sloppy fool again?

Have enough drinks to maintain a level buzz and nothing more, or else you’ll look like an ass. Also, whiskey dick is a very real thing.

Let it happen while taking the lead

Now that we’ve got the less subtle topics out of the way, we come to a more nuanced issue. What’s the best approach to making the hookup happen?

The short answer is that it varies, obviously, but there are a few important considerations. The key is to take initiative while never being forceful. For her, the hookup is all about trust. Unlike most men, who can summarize their feelings about hooking up with a high-five, many women feel the need to “excuse” their hookup due to the shaming that exists towards them. The bullshit of all that aside, most women want their hookup to feel like a significant experience even if they know it wasn’t, so show her a good time. Be engaging and engaged. Don’t just pull some cheap “let’s go back to my place” trick, propose some walk in a park or something interesting.

At the same time, don’t be forceful. Let her take the night at her own pace. There’s a difference between leading the night and forcing it. Don’t think of it as a matter of convincing her to sleep with you; if you play your cards right, she’ll have already made the decision by the time it happens.

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